Last Wednesday afternoon, now a full week ago, our toddler had had a regular old toddler cold for several days. It had just reached the “hacking cough” stage, and my husband was out of town overnight. When I walked in the door of his daycare facility, I heard the ominous words, “We were just about to call you.” He was running a 101.6 fever and was clearly miserable.
If you know me as a parent, then you know that my most crippling fear is that my kids will get sick as really small babies. So being solo with a feverish toddler and a 10-week-old brought me close to a panic attack: my hands went numb, I started sweating, and I knew I’d need help. I called my husband and told him he needed to come home first thing in the morning, no waiting for the weather to warm up.
In the middle of the night I woke to another ominous sound: my newborn coughing.
That kicked off several days of doctors’ appointments and anxiety so bad that I’m sure it took years off of my life. To make a long story short, our toddler developed an ear infection (his first) that’s being treated with antibiotics and responding well, and our baby apparently caught the original cold virus despite our absolutely fanatical hand-washing, disinfecting, and keeping-the-toddler-away measures. Everyone is now on the mend: the newborn is still coughing and while it sounds absolutely terrible, it’s not harmful and he’s now probably out of the woods. He was seen three times in the past week to have his oxygen saturation and lungs checked, and everything was fine every time, so at this point it’s expected that he is fighting off this virus without help.
I learned a few things from this episode:
- Having two sick kids home with you for four full days is awful.
- Parents of chronically ill and/or seriously ill children are heroes and I don’t know how they do it.
- I need to work on my anxiety about this stuff, because this will not be the last time this same scenario plays out in our house.
With two little kids who will both soon be in daycare (one full-time, one part-time), we’re going to get our fair share of illnesses, and I can’t keep reacting this way. Based on a friend’s recommendation, I ordered an anxiety and phobia workbook and am going to start sorting through my issues with this. On the one hand, I won’t deal with a sick newborn again because he’ll be twelve weeks old in two days! On the other hand, he very well might become ill again before he is six months old. He might become seriously ill at some point, for all we know. And I need to be able to handle any of those scenarios without becoming a total anxious wreck. My mom and husband were more worried about me than about the baby: that’s how bad it was.
We were also really lucky. It wasn’t the flu (knock on wood), it wasn’t RSV (knock on wood), and both of our kids are extremely healthy and therefore able to recover from this type of thing. We’re also lucky enough that we both took two full days off of work to care for our kids. We didn’t lose any money (although we may have earned some gray hairs). We were able to take our kids to the doctor three times without worrying about the cost, how we would get there, or how we would make time for the appointments.
I have so much to be thankful for. I want to reframe this kind of thing that way, and try not to indulge my anxieties too much.